OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
