I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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