i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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