franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
