Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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