You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
