oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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