Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
