You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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