also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
