He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize