whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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