i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
