Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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