she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
