You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we should paint friendship bongs
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