My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
