I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
