But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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