highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize