I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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