I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
