You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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