and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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