Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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