We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
