I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
