my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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