everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
