I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
