I am puke
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
