I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
