KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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