Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
