Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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