No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
