Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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