Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So much Jack, so little girl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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