bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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