I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
