3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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