Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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