i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
