I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
