Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
