Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
