my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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