The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
