I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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