OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
