Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize