i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
