Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
