i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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