Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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