dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shame - the story of my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
