I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
