don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize