Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
