The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize