I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
