people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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