Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
