what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize