If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
