she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
