ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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