I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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