Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
