i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
