Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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